The brightest star is always by my side.
Friday, 20 November 2009
leehongki just with a few words he made me cry in You're Beautiful. His acting is so good, and he's so sweet, damn. I think i'm gonna go and rewatch that part, just because..it was that good.
Started spazzing within the first 3minutes of episode 13, so sweet how Taekyung is<3 janggeunsuk & parkshinhye <3 they should be together in real, have such good chemistry~
You're Beautiful is at such a tense part, Shinwoo is trying to get Minyu to like him, Jeremy has to hide his feelings and face the fact that Minyu likes Taekyung. Taekyung likes Minyu back but his mum goes and completely ruins it between them with the story about her and Minyu's dad. Aigoo.
Need to wait until next thursday for the subbed ep15, i really hope that it gets extended, or else it ends next week..i want it to last for longer. And i want A.N.JELL to be at MAMA, and perform 여전히 and 약속, and JGS & PSH to do a duet of 말도 없이 <3
Jeremy, Taenyu, Shinwoo<3
Even if you forget me, my heart is always yours.
Monday, 16 November 2009
leejoon<3
It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love.
Friday, 30 October 2009
It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. I've been told, a few too many times to simply step back into real life. It's more on the lines of 'Zoe, stop fantasizing, watching dramas, reading fanfics and get a life.' People may find it stupid, but I think I know a lot more after really immersing myself into the countless stories that I wish would be my fate.
It's surprising, how it's possible to see everything clearly when infatuation isn't in the way. Once you can gather your thoughts straight, you can think properly and realise everything isn't as it seems, isn't as you thought it was.
You will either realise, and fall further, knowing that everything that left you is everything that you need. Or you will rise higher, knowing that everything that left you was for the better, and you can move on to what is more important.
It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. The reason to love, is the person that will love me unconditionally, everything that I want, he'll give. Everything that I need, he'll give. Everything that I do, he'll support. He'll be on my side, unconditionally. Nothing will stop him from staying with me, although there might be times when arguments take over, and everything falls apart. He'll leave, but he will always, always come back.
There are different types of love, some which break easily because you give up, some which are strong because you hold on tight enough and some which go beyond anything in the world. Love isn't just an emotion, the whole process of loving someone must include physical and verbal affection. If you can't get that from someone, then really...it isn't worth it.
It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. When that one person comes into your life, who changes everything then straight away, the first thing you should know is that it won't be easy. You have to be ready for your life to tie up in knots, and once you untie one, another will start to form, you have to be fast to deal with it, so you can finally untie all knots and have a smooth outcome.
Nothing that you want enough, will be easy. But in the end, it'll be worth it. As everyone does, you'll have to face a problem in your life, a problem that stops you from getting where you want, an obstacle to your dreamed of perfect ending. You know you have two choices- hold on, and face everything that will lead you to breaking, or give up, and live your live without that one that you have always wanted.
It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. Once you step foot into this world, your only way out was death. Your only ending is death. Once you took your first breath in this air, your only way to lose the attachment with it was death. Your only ending is death. If the outcome, no matter what happens, would always be the same...why spend your life in misery? why spend your life in guilt? why spend your life in regret?
If you ever find a person who could love you unconditionally, find a person that would change your world, and give you theirs, then you hold on to it. You hold on to it with everything you have. You forget the second choice of giving up, and you hold on. You hold on and face everything that will lead you to breaking, because in the end, there's only death. Why would you fear how you would be if your once in a lifetime love left you after you gave them your all if you would just regret that you never gave them your all in the first place. You forget the fear, forget the guilt, forget the regret. And you live knowing that you deserve to be happy, you don't deserve to feel the negative emotions that reside within you.
It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. Don't listen to anything that tries to scare you, because it's always possible to face it.
“Even a chance at being miserable for the years to come if he leaves you?”
“Wouldn’t you be miserable if you never went back to him?”
Exactly that. Misery and regret will haunt you if you don't take the chance, and take in the one love that changed your life, the one love that loves you unconditionally, the one love that is once in a lifetime. Instead, you go with them, and you do everything in your power to stay with them, to run with them, to love with them because in the end, you'll at least be able to smile, knowing that if they leave you, you had your time with them, and you gave them your all.
My Illusionist, will you take me into a world filled with timeless magic?
“I just wanted you to know,” her voice began softly, tears filling her eyes as she held the love of her life close to her, never again letting him go, “…that no matter where life takes me, no matter the distance, no matter the length of time, no matter the obstacles—I'll always come back to you. Even if I, myself, am not sure if I'll come back—in the end I'll always come back. Cause that's the thing about boomerangs, right? They come back even if they feel they shouldn't, they come back even if the world tries to stop them, they come back because they ultimately know where they belong... and who they belong to. "
She wrapped her arms around him and then brought his head down so that their foreheads were touching, so she could stare into his eyes with pure hope, “My Illusionist, will you take me into a world filled with timeless magic?”
He smiled, grazing his hand over her face, “Are you willing to disappear?”
“Will you disappear with me?”
His smile grew wider as he nodded and then pressed his soft lips against hers, giving her his soul. He no longer cared about anything else.
Both of them no longer cared about what the future had in store for them.
All that mattered to them was the here and now—all that mattered to them was their timeless distraction.
Chapters 36 and 37 finally read, and only one more update left before this fanfic is completed, now all there is, is the wait. Ha, nearly cried. Tears were blurring my vision whilst i was trying to read chapter 36, this story is just too emotional..it's really having some kind of weird affect on me. I guess i just can't help it..when there's so much in there that you would want to happen for yourself, and so much that you'll be damned if it happened to you. All there is, is the wait. Hopefully, a happily ever after.
Our world is different from the rest.
No, no..omg no. This fic is actually getting to me, i've just read the end of chapter 31 and damn, it's so heartbreaking..just earlier i read this part and thought it was so sweet, in a weird way..but still sweet.
“No, you really did that. You murmured something in your sleep and got up. I thought you were awake and I asked if you were getting better but you didn’t say anything and just came down onto the floor and wrapped your arms around me and then slept on my chest. It was actually kinda scary because you lifted up my shirt and kept smoothing your hands over my abs,” he smiled coyly, “That was when I knew you had a thing for my stomach. You wouldn’t stop molesting it until you fell asleep.”
But just at the end of the chapter, everything's changed...it feels like a relationship that was so perfect just before, everything working out, a dream date going well, it all changes...violence, hatred and killer instincts took over and there's a complete mess. What the hell.
I need to read on..chapter 32 now, then there's chapter 33...then i'll have to wait for updates. It's going to kill me to wait for these updates...in the past few days all i've had on my mind is this fic, and the wish for a fanfic life..
The first part of chapter 32, i've just read it...and it's even more heartbreaking, i actually spilt a few tears...i can't believe it's happening..how a relationship can be broken so quickly, just because of something that couldn't be controlled. Because of someone else a perfect relationship was broken.
Wow..she's back..haha, whoever's reading this probably won't understand what i'm on about..but that someone else is actually back. Completely killing the love story that was once there, now i have one more chapter to read..and i think i'll finish it now before going to sleep..
It's 4.15am, and i have finally finished chapter 33 of welcome to the underworld, and damn. The main guy, never fails to amaze me, the end of that chapter really has left me wanting a heck of a load more. Too bad i'll have to wait.
Happiness, tears, love, anger and shock. All of those emotions went through me at some point whilst reading these few chapters.
No one said finding Paris would be easy; they only said it would be worth it.
Monday, 26 October 2009
Is it wrong, to wish to live in a fiction story? a fanfic, 'Welcome to the Underworld' to be exact.
I find that every time i read a fanfic, i always wish that i was that main girl, with the perfect frame, flawless skin and beautiful looks and personality. The one that everyone likes, and then i fall in love with the hot and sexy, but sweet bad guy. And no matter how bad he seems to everyone else, i know that he's sweet, and that he's sweet only to me.
Having your life as a story would be so perfect, you could write your own ending, everything that leads to it and occurs before it. You could have the sweetest, hottest, sexiest, most charming guy be yours, and yours only. Knowing that although loads of girls would die to be by his side, and try with all their might to be close to him, he would disregard them and look at you only.
You could have that romantic scene with a beautiful view, fresh and relaxing air and soft breeze, the sun kissing your skin..you could have the late night in depth talks, letting everything inside of you out, and taking everything from him in..and you could have the bitter arguments, completely screaming eachothers heads off, and then making up straight after with a simple sign of affection or concern.
The guy will always be there by you, when you're in any form of danger, he puts you closely behind him and blocks anything that could hurt you. He can read your mind. He can tell everything that your thinking, and he knows when something is bothering you, and you know that you can trust him, trust him enough to tell him everything, everything that you weren't meant to say, everything that you've kept to yourself, you can tell him all of it.
You would know he would never leave you, ever. He can't leave you. You tell him something and he loses his mind, he goes crazy and walks out of the door, half way out he stops. He stops when you tell him to stay, he stops when you tell him that you need him. But then he whispers a 'sorry' and walks out, closing the door behind him. You lean against the back of the door and slide to the ground, tears filling your eyes. You can't stand it so you leave too, you find somewhere to go. Then the next day, you find out...that just one minute. Just one minute after you left, he came back for you, because he couldn't leave you. He never left you, he spent all but a few minutes of the time he left you just standing on the other side of the door, not being able to leave, but not being able to come back. In the last few minutes he runs down the stairs trying to distance himself from you, and in that time, you leave. You take the elevator and you leave. And just as you go down, he comes running back up, he comes back up and come back to you. But you're not there. It's just the next day, you find all of this out, and you find out that he spent the whole day searching around the whole city trying to find you.
In every situation where you're outside in the cold, unprepared. He takes off his jacket or hoodie, and covers you with it, and you can smell his cologne and feel his warmth. He says that he's got a lot on his mind, and so do you, so he takes you to a place, a silent place with a beautiful view. He sits there on the grass and tells you to do the same, then when he realises you're cold, he stands up, and repositions himself so he's behind you, you sit in between his parted legs, and he wraps his arms around you, keeping you both warm.
These are really only a few of the things that i can think of, the sweetest parts that i remember from the fic that i'm reading, and i thought...it would be so good, just perfect, if my life was like a fanfic, where even through all the bad troubles that come, the ending will always be good. Although it's a wish that would never come true, it doesn't hurt to just wish, that my life could be like this...
They say a picture is worth a thousand words.
Sunday, 4 October 2009
one –
Awkwardness. But it's getting better, don't talk much, but we never really did.
two –
Awkwardness to the max. Still, now, few to no conversations..and when there are..still awkward.
three –
Awkwardness exceeding the max even worse than two. Now, we don't even say a word to eachother.
four –
Awkwardness, but it's getting better a lot quicker, and i'm happy for that. Atleast we can still talk without it being too weird.
five –
No awkwardness, yet. And i really hope there won't be any. Keep your word, please.
I wont let things get awkward between usone of the best things to hear in this kind of situation. :)
Now a bit more truthfully, please stop your games.
Sunday, 20 September 2009
Had a quite..in depth coversation with Tze. Talking about how girls might change themselves for a guy and how a girl starts to like a guy...
Some girls see a guy, becomes attracted to him, he likes her back, they get together, and thats a perfect story. But how often does something like that happen? Not often at all, really rare actually.
Some girls see a guy, becomes attracted to him, he likes her back, but then the girl realises she doesn't actually like the guy, and took it all too far. Then the relationship gets confusing..and they stop talking.
Some girls see a guy, becomes attracted to him, but are wary of it..they wait to see if they really like him or not, and when it's been long enough, they realise that they really do like him, but he doesn't like her back. Sad right?
It's okay when a girl is rejected, but realises that he wasn't the one..It's better having one, real tight relationship, than several flings. -quote by Tze, and i agree with it. Of course to wait long and have a good relationship, is better than rushing in and having a bad relationship. But really, is it worth the wait? To have waited so long, just to find that one guy that will love you for who you really are..you may have to wait years.
Girls have their own little list of what they want in a guy, their ideal guy. Guys are the same, they have their own little list of what they want in a girl, their ideal girl.
When a girl finds a guy that fills almost everything she wants, and the more she gets to know him, the more she likes him..but then she finds out what his ideal girl is, and realises..that he is everything she wants, but she is everything he doesn't want.
However, if a girl really likes a guy, she might change for him..some say it's worth it to change yourself for someone you really like, but some say it's really not.
Clothing style, scent, accessories, products and personality. Those are things that you can change about yourself, you can dress differently, use different perfume, wear different jewelry, use different products and change how you act, it's hard, but if you're strong enough to make it through, it could be a really good change.
But age, height, voice, natural appearance and background. Those are the things you can't change, you can try to look older, or younger..but you'll never be able to change your age. You can wear high heels and make yourself taller, but how about when you're bare foot? There's nothing you can do to change your height. Natural appearance, make-up can be used to change your look, but you can't wear it all day, there's a time you'll have to take it off, and your real self is revealed. Background, you can hide it, but you will never be able to change it, no way at all, you can't change who your parents are, where you were born, your nationality, your ethnicity.
So why bother? If you're something he doesn't want, then give up. Move on, find someone who will really love you for who you are, inside and outside, all throughout.
Labels: love
I'm trying to forget you.. trying to forget you.. trying to erase you...
Monday, 14 September 2009
I can't sleep. It's fucking 5.30am and i haven't slept properly..tossing and turning the whole night, i have too much on my mind when theres nothing to be on my mind. I'm up waiting when theres nothing for me to wait for..almost nothing.
Why did i go and make it big? It should've stayed small then completely vanished..but everything you do, everything people say makes it grow even bigger, it's harder to let go now.
I need you, it's natural. I can't breathe without you. I can't see or feel you, but i know you're there, but when you go, i wont notice, then it hits me hard. I want to be selfish and take you for myself, but you're so spread out, further than i can reach.
I'm writing this on my phone right now..there's nothing else for me to do, head hurts, my body's tired but still wrecklessly moving..am i even tired? I can't tell anymore. I resulted to getting my ipod almost an hour ago to try and listen to music to put me to sleep, i chose the same song Words I Couldn't Say, it's been on repeat. I could hear my heartbeat, just me? Or was it really slowing down?
I'm still waiting, i want to talk to you but i don't dare to wake you up..it's sad really. I need to sleep, fucking hell zoe go to sleep! It's not like its hard, i'm not in some depressed shit state so why am i making it out as i am? Like the way i feel has changed this past year, i've always been the fucking same. Knock some sense into yourself woman! You say 'im okay i guess' on a regular basis, when people ask you what's wrong you say 'same stuff as always' there are no stuff, stop being such an idiot and making things seem like there's something wrong, there's always something wrong, there's never a change to it.
Oh look, it's 5.55am, in an hour i'll have to get up and get ready for school..great.
When everything you wanted is there right before you, how could you not take it? Of course you'll take it all for yourself, but what happens when it wont let you be the owner..you're back to the start constantly thinking about it until the next comes, but it's extremely rare. It hurts, when you can't have something you really want, and then watch another person get closer to getting it. I'm only human, there's nothing i can do about it.
Feel like crying myself to sleep..wiped a few tears earlier..no reason why i can't do it again. Not like i can wait for someone to wipe them for me.
What a pointless entry, i've contradicted myself several times? And completely went all out about nothing.And made myself sound like a retarded depressed woman when i'm absolutely fine.
I know, that you know. But thanks, nothing's awkward, i like it this way. Right now, 'I'm trying to forget you.. trying to forget you.. trying to erase you...'
Air, you.
Something and everything, you.
Me, you.
<3
Labels: love
Without even realizing, my heart keeps getting lost searching for you...
Sunday, 13 September 2009
Wow, had to completely rush to do my homework...but i've actually finished my german questions =D i just need to find my text book at school and copy up the last 2 i have in there~ didn't do my ict, thats just too long..i'll do it tomorrow maybe..did some of my physics..barely any really..then i remembered that we have that time to do work before lessons start tomorrow =D some weird silent work time thingy..but it means more sleep time now, and i can finish my physics and chem later =D but then i'm going to do some chem now since i only have to finish 3 more questions ^^~
Haha, Tze just lightened up my mood a bit by telling me something sweet ^___^ so cute~ but so jealous~ TZE WHY ARE YOU SO LUCKY?~ i've used the word jealous to you like 5619487952616549 times T___T but then i still always want to know about it..haha<3
+ loveending ★: i can finish my science there~
+ loveending ★: yay
+ loveending ★: more sleep time
+ loveending ★: XD
' kyau; 家雯☆ ' HK: LOOOOL
' kyau; 家雯☆ ' HK: i still have drama to watch
' kyau; 家雯☆ ' HK: xD
' kyau; 家雯☆ ' HK: i can do my french in form time
+ loveending ★: LOL. dramas before work? xD
' kyau; 家雯☆ ' HK: drama before bed now xD
' kyau; 家雯☆ ' HK: i was going to do a mask tonight but i guess its too late LOL
' kyau; 家雯☆ ' HK: ill do one in the morning xD
LOL, love you Kamen<3 make me laugh haha.
I've been listening to J - Words I Couldn't Say on repeat, i love the tune, the lyrics, the voice..everything about it. I won't wait up, it won't help either side...'I'm trying to forget you.. trying to forget you.. trying to erase you...'
How much more tired are you.. How much longer can you go on burying everything..
I stir my head.. close my eyes.. I'm holding on like a fool..
I try to fool my heart by saying it's not.. but like a fool I regret it..
I keep getting heated and I keep thinking about you..
Without even realizing, my heart keeps getting lost searching for you..
I'm trying to forget you.. trying to forget you.. trying to erase you...
Even if it's just one day I'm going to act happy without you, I'm going to try to smile..
But it's not like my heart to act this way, maybe that's why my act isn't working..
What am I to do.. I want to see you..
Instead of thinking of this breakup as our love ending, I'm just going to long for you..
Even if only the bad habits come and find me.. no matter how hard I try..
I'm here once again waiting..
I'm trying to forget you.. trying to forget you.. trying to erase you...
Even if it's just one day I'm going to act happy without you, I'm going to try to smile..
But it's not like my heart to act this way, maybe that's why my act isn't working..
What am I to do.. I want to see you..
You were always the first to be standing there..
Our eyes aren't able to meet this time because she's standing in front of you..
I love you so much..
The words I really want to say (words I want to say)
Words you won't ever be able to hear (My love)
How much I love you, I cry out again..
To me it's not the end for us...
Why wasn't I able to take your hand?
So much sadness and depression around recently...affects the people around you, i think. But i'm glad that i have some people who just keep me happy through the day, just talking to them lifts my mood. Maybe i shouldn't sit here playing sad songs the whole day...but they just sound so good, and have such a nice tune to sing to~
I don't have many reasons to be depressed, me and my parents are on reasonably good terms right now, there's not really anything that i'm being annoyed about, successfully recoded a skin for my blogspot, i don't feel really tired or anything and i'm in a relaxed mood. The only things that could really change that is the fact i'm not focussing on coursework, meaning that later on today i'm going to be stressed over it..13 german speaking questions and 7-8 parts of my ict analysis to complete and that the xanga layout that im trying to code isn't going too well, and i cant think of a way to make it look nicer.
Ict, german, chemistry and physics homework due for tomorrow, altogether i had 13 pieces of homework this week (not including repeats)..haha, just went downstairs to get my mum to sign my homework diary, parents were talking about my mum is the one with the least money, and my dad always gets money from her, and how she always pays for the food, gas, electricity, water etc...then i come along asking her for £20 for school fund haha. Talking to Kamen about school fund right now, didn't know that she never pays it =O bad girl lol. Time to do coursework and stuff~
The words begin to overflow, but I know they won't reach you now.
Songs can really set your mood..i've been listening to DBSK - Why Did I Fall In Love With You? on repeat for hours now...meaningful song i guess. Songs can make you think a lot...and when its a song like this you just always end up reflecting on something..happier songs just make you want to dance~
Haven't done any of my coursework, spent the code day coding this layout..looks relatively okay i guess. Still want to change it though, make it look nicer. Blehs.
Unlimited texts surprise has ended...now i have o2numbers, no free texts, and only 7p credit until next month..aigoo. I need money, haha~The new ipod touch =O i want~ 64gb £299...hmm, november mocks, xmas and birthday presents from my parents should possibly make up for it..then if they wont pay that much, i'll pay for some~ ^^
Why did I end up falling for you?
Why did I end up falling for you?
No matter how much time has passed,
I thought that you would always be here
But you have chosen a different road
Why wasn't I able to convey to you?
My feelings that were growing everyday and night
The words begin to overflow
But I know they won't reach you now
From the first day that I met you
I felt like I knew you
And the two of us melded together so naturally
Wherever we would go, it would be together
It was so natural for you to be with me
We became adults together
But you chose a different road
Why did I end up falling for you?
No matter how much time has passed,
I thought that you would always be here (but not anymore)
Today, the day that holds a special meaning
The day that you stood with a smile of happiness
Praying to God in your beautiful appearance
With the person next to you who isn't me
The image of you receiving blessings
How could I just stand aside and watch
So why did I end up falling for you?
We can't go back to that time, or how we were (I've thought it through)
Why wasn't I able to take your hand?
No matter how much time passes
You always should've been by my side
Now it will never come true
But, even though I say that I need you close to me
I just pray that you will be happy forever
No matter how lonely that makes me (or how sad)
Take it, want it, let me know it, it could be mine.
Saturday, 12 September 2009
Freaking depression yet still happy feeling. What the hell.
Appearance, it's such a complicated thing..but also something that people can't leave out. Atleast mainly from a girl's point of view, appearance is used to impress, express, and for confidence. I doubt someone would want to go clubbing in a royal ascot inspired outfit...so thats why people can spend hours picking out their clothes, and then styling their hair and doing their makeup. If you're dressed well, you'll feel better about yourself..instead of spending the day paranoid that people are looking at you weirdly. Body shape, something that is depression in itself. Of course everyone has that image of their ideal body shape..but it's a dream instead of reality, how hard it must be to get that kind of body, then maintain it. It's even harder when the section that you want to change the most, is something you can't do a thing about, like height and breast size..happens to be some of the things that guys take in the most. I need to freaking grow. Spent the night being partly paranoid, and annoyed that all my friends have big boobs. Damn.
When you find out something you never really wanted to know..hard to adjust to, right? Needs a complete change of thinking..and quickly.
Hey guy, attention! Baby, strong girl (Ha ha)
So listen to this, I got the chase
This is special right now, think you all that low
Hey guy, first one
Take it, want it, let me know it, it could be mine
You can have everything if you want
By thoughts, by feelings, it could be fine
Tell me everything that you want
Leads me to the brilliant lights and onto the captivating stage
(Tonight is crazy tonight)
Burning eyes that blaze like the sun makes me crazy
Look at me now
Feel it, so you can see my heart
My intensely, intensely, intensely burning love
If you hear it, so you can clue me in
Will you hold me like this, like this, like this
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah
Let me make you strong girl
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah
Let me make you strong girl
Tic toc, tic toc
Look at the time that has flown
Nothing can stop, you’re an endless breath
It can’t be your time – your way or your play
I hope you forget all your painful wounds
Sometimes hot tears run down, I can’t stop it
(Even when it’s unseen)
Sometimes my heart subsides coldly, I can’t feel it, oh
Look at me now
Feel it, so you can see my heart
My intensely, intensely, intensely burning love
If you hear it, so you can clue me in
Will you hold me like this, like this, like this
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah
Let me make you strong girl
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah
Let me make you strong girl
The love that left me, no more
Fate that abandoned me, thinkin’ no more
Never, never, never, don’t cry
Why eh, aim high
Never miss a trick, get on your dream
To my own world, more, more, more
Leave everything to me, will be all right
Today’s the start, party tonight
Look at me now
Feel it, so you can see my heart
My intensely, intensely, intensely burning love
If you hear it, so you can clue me in
Will you hold me like this, like this, like this
And i've been using the word jealous too much recently.
All the pain that's been wrecking my brain, getting so close to going insane.
Sunday, 6 September 2009
Bye summer, hello school.
Went to yumcha today in HKC. Now i'm so full, but all i had to eat&drink today was dimsum, water, tea, more water, a few pringles and an orange. Got home and started on my coursework, did all of my location bit, which i thought i would never finish. Finished the last part of my aims, guiding questions and predictions..just need to do the purpose, background info and methodology. I've done half of the background info, and a third of the methodology. I have tomorrow aswell i guess, have to make sure i finish it off.
So today was the last day of summer holidays, meaning the start of the twice a month going out restriction, forcing myself to stay off the computer and do my homework the day i get it before i go online, no texting during class, and focus focus focus. Going to get this year over and done with, with good grades and a good report.
Summer has been good, a lot of things happened really..and a lot of change. There were times when things were really good, happy and fun; sad, confusing and depressing; hectic, rushed and stupid, but really, altogether it was all great. From going to central, messing around in troc, playing big2 at traf, rushing for the trains, standing there doing absolutely nothing, shopping at oxford, trying to push my curfew later, shopping at westfield, camerawhoring, my first time playing pump, the day at greenwich park, the massive waterfight, my holiday to spain, coming out at 4pm just to see a few people before they went on holiday, the oovoo nights, funny strip nights, late night texts, dmcs, family days with the cousins, shopping at bluewater, doing random korean dances, going out to central for the last time before school starts...it was all really good, and even though so many things have changed, for me, it changed for the better.
A few of the people that made my summer really fun and exciting..
Jenny Tsang Jenny! i'm really happy that i got to spend some of the summer with you, and since we talked a lot online and you shared a lot of your thoughts with me, makes me feel like i'm really trusted by you :) was fun each time i was out with you, even if we kept missing trains and walked around not having a clue where we were going, it was all still really good :D
Jessica Wong Jutlui~ it was really good to see you during the summer~ and because it's so easy to talk to you about everything, and you're also really playful haha, missed you when you were in hongkong, but i'm happy i got to see you the day after :D and our constant texting the whole time~ and how we'd keep getting into eachothers businesses haha, and our conversations on msn ^^
Andrew Hoang Ah gor, even though i always saw you at chinese school anyways, i think that during this summer we've gotten closer? atleast we sometimes actually talk on msn, and you actually reply to my texts, and every time we're out you ask me what time i'm going home, even though you know that i have to be home by 8, and every time i ask you to take me home, even though i know you're not going to. Also the times i tried to get you up early and get the train with me to central, but then you always say that you're going later, or you miss the train haha. And you also listened to the things i said when there was something serious to say, was a good summer with you :)
Cindy Tsang Ah lui! haha, didn't really get to see you much this summer, but then when we did see eachother we got on really well, it's probably because we're both short and love korean stuff haha, but still, it was fun just randomly going around being korean addicts :D and how you said that i sound like a mum to be telling you to be careful of the road, so our mummy&daughter relationship started :D
Crystal Law Saw you quite a lot this summer :D always you who organised events, and then walk around taking pictures and getting really bad mugshots of me xD but then i could also tell you anything and everything, was good to see you when i was out, cos then i could go to you if i needed anyone, then the time when we were both on oovoo and msn, but instead we go and text eachother haha xD atleast you're one of the people who always reply fast to texts :D
Tzetze Ma Muimui! keke, funny how you thought you were my jeh, then it turns out it's the other way around xD met you half way through the summer, but we talk loads~ was really fun the day at greenwich park, and then at bluewater~ and our nights on oovoo, strip night aswell haha xD and then how we'd text eachother all the time~ and how i know quite a lot about you already ;] lmao. Was nice to meet you this summer :D
Nick Leung Hamsup gay lo :) haha, met you before summer started, but then i guess i never really spoke to you properly, but then we were closer when we kept seeing eachother out, then there was the whole 'i dont want to add' thing..but then i guess i ended up adding, and got you to add on msn :D then taught you a bit of korean? lmao xD the day at greenwich park we soaked eachother haha, but you were the easiest person to get :D and when you stripped on cam ;] sexy wor~ haha, and the late night texts, texts in canto, kinky texts..lols and at bluewater, didnt really talk much that day? but you have my ribbon! don't lose it :D
Carmen Lau My camerawhore friend? lmao, that day we went to westfield, and took masses of photos on Ray's camera xD good pictures though (Y) was fun that day, everyone kind of looked at us like 'why are they taking so many photos' haha xD and each time i wanted to stay out late and you tried to help me make up excuses, but then i knew it would never work -___- was fun this summer with you :D
Kelvin Huynh Kelvin~ the giant...LOL see how nice i was to go out that saturday to see you before you went on holiday? haha :D was good seeing you again yesterday aswell ^^ long hugs<3 and your extremely late replies in everything..haha :D
Troy Abey My dancing machine :D and..future fiance? LOL funny this summer with you, your craziness..and dancing! haha, you must learn the other dances, and show meeee :D funny watching you on oovoo aswell, the strip night..haha, and seeing you yesterday, before you get your hair cut xD and you're my number one fan, the guy that always reads my blog lmao :D
Kamen Yau Saw you quite a few times this summer, all the times are the same really, we talk, shop? spend money atleast haha, you big spender! save your money woman! even your horoscope says to! haha, and you always having to run for your train, and how you think that you'll just get the next train and get home later..then get screwed at by your mum each time..haha. all jokes :D see you at school woman!
Joyce Xie Lo por jai! didn't get to see you much this summer! but then it's all good, msn & phone convos (Y) and i'll see you in school too :D i miss you man, haha, was good to talk to you and catch up a bit on the phone the other day<3 and the times when i'd try to make you stay out with me instead of going back with Kamen, haha xD atleast i'll get to see you every morning in form time ^^
Florence Wong Florence~ didn't see you much this summer either, the day that we finished school, straight up to central and sticker pics :D was a good day haha, and how we kind of bullied Kamen into letting me have a better pic LOL, the memorial party..sad but then good at the same time :) was nice to see you again that day..and then when we were at Maisie's..was a fun day, see you at school la :D
Jason Ho BIG2 CHEATER! i caught you :D haha, without cheating, you fail. Those times on the train when i kept beating you :D and caught you cheating twice at traf. lmfao. seems that i saw you a lot this summer, getting the train with you to central. oh, and you asian fail, getting a B in chinese. LOL :D
Kevin Yip A slightly awkward summer for us right? it was fun at the same time though, loads of stupid times, and the times when i would hit you for no reason :D and the rejections all the time haha, then the awkwardness started..but i guess we've kind of sorted that out? shopping together was good, still awkward though haha, but atleast we talked a bit? but then i miss the spazzing about tvb dramas lmao xD
+ everyone that i saw and met this summer, Vic, Catrina, Melody, Giles, KY, KC, Michelle, Jennifer, Julia, Linda, Rex, Fiona, Tyrone and Jessica good to know all of you..hopefully i'll see everyone out again sometime, most likely half term? christmas? i'll wait till then :D
Aha aha, baby baby call me.
Because Troy's a gay and wants more mentions, here's a post for him :)
I LOVE YOU TROY ABRACADABRA ADDICT ABEY :D see you once your hair grows back D: haha, learn the abracadabra, sorry sorry, again and again, and and other dances properly :D then the next time i see you, you can show them all to me haha~ <3
I love you, only you, I need you.
Saturday, 5 September 2009
Hmm, last night i was texting Tze and Nick, then Nick fell asleep so i was going to pull an allnighter texting Tze..but then i fell asleep too haha xD SORRY TZE! xD
Woke up..i don't even know what time i woke up -____- but it was around 8? then i slept for longer..and got up at around 10? had cha siw bao for breakfast ^___^ then got ready really early..changed my clothes so many times T__T then i decided on my black&white blouse, denim shorts and knee highs, then went into my mummy's room and camwhored haha. Later, i was trying to choose which shoes to wear, and then i realised that my shoes would look weird with my outfit, so i went and changed again..and kept changing again and again T__T was talking to Tze, Andrew, Jenny, Troy and Kamen on msn during all of this aswell, and Tze was saying about how she's indecisive about clothing, and i'm just the same. Haha. Ended up just putting on my shorts again, and then a white tshirt, knee highs and hoodie~ xD simple ^__^
Left the house around 1 since i was going to get the next train because Jenny missed the one we were going to get on xD then when i was leaving she texted me saying;
Wow i'm so sick :) i jumped on the train before it closed xD my face was so close to be murked by doors xD
Haha, she's so cute :) i was walking to the busstop, then i saw my bus -__- had to run across the road and sprint over to the next busstop..luckily people were getting on and off, and the man getting off saw me running, and helped me stop the bus xD then i realised that the road works were fixed..so the bus wasn't on diversion any more..meaning i was at the station 15mins early -__-...was buying my ticket, the guy working there was really nice, i asked for a return to Charing Cross, and he was like 'only if you give me a big smile' haha. so i went and did a big cheesy smile LOL, and yeah, got my ticket~ went and waited for the train~ when it arrived, i rang up Jenny to see where she was sitting, and she just pointed out the '1' sign so i went to the doors closest to it and went and sat down with her~ we mainly just talked about how things have changed this summer and stuff..talked quite a bit, there was a lot to say really.
Arrived at Charing Cross just before 2, walked over to boots and looked around, i bought a pack of 3 rings for £5 ^__^~ i wanna get them engraved though, anyone know where i could get engravings done? we went to next aswell, was trying to look for a school skirt, but then ended up looking at shoes, hats and scarves~ got a call from Kamen, she was at Waterloo East, so me and Jenny went back to Charing Cross to meet her, saw Andrew and Jason aswell~ they were headed for troc though. Kamen got there, and we went over to chinatown, bought some snacks and drinks and just sat at the temple talking and eating xD then Kamen had to go (she got out at 2.30..and had to be home by 4.30, so she left around 3.30 xD) so we half took her to the station, before she started to run to the station so me and Jenny just went back instead xD went to the boots in leicester square and were smelling perfumes and just spraying them on ourselves ^^~ went over to troc after, was going to play pump, and no-one was there either, but Jenny didn't want to play, and i didn't want to play by myself, so we didn't end up playing -__-''' went over to mt3 and saw Troy, Andrew, Jason and Yip there, was just messing around there and tried to get Troy to do the abracadabra dance XD was good haha, then he got Yip and Ray to stand there so he could lean on them for the second verse dance xD then we went over to the cinema area and stood there for a while waiting for Crystal, then Ellen came, met someone new ^^ found out that Crystal was staying in traf, so we went there to find her, and then saw everyone else~ stayed there for a while then some people went to find everyone that was at karaoke~ then later they all came back so we went over to them~ Carmen, Mini, Kelvin and KY were there~ Kelvin's back ^__^ good to see him again, and i thought i saw him at a train station when the train was passing by..haha xD might've been him, will never know LOL.
Mainly just sat around in traf, messed around and stuff, played big2 for a bit, Jason got slapped by Mini for slapping her, was funny xD Jason hinted a bit of sexual harassment, caught on cam by Yip LOL. Later, loads of people went to troc, so i went there with Iona and Troy around 7 to say bye to people, found them at mt3, then moved over to pump, was trying to look for KY and KC, so i could tell him to add me on fb :D haha~ but then i couldn't find him, so i went back to pump to say bye to Andrew, then over to mt3 to say bye to Jason, back to traf and said bye to Carmen and Mini, wanted to say bye to Crystal aswell, but she disappeared to somewhere haha, then i said bye to Kelvin, Yip and Troy and went to the station~
Got on my train and walked straight down and got on one of the first few carriages..started camwhoring a bit too, haha xD was so bored, luckily it was the fast train though, so that was a bit better.
On the train journey, i really feel like i thought too much, i caught myself being stoned staring out of the window too many times =/ had a lot on my mind and i barely know why..was actually close to not going out today, felt like just staying in, breaking down and cry =/
Got home at 8.05, asked my mum to borrow £10 which i'd pay back to her when Kamen gives me my money back, and then my mum started pmsing -___- spent 15mins lecturing, screwing and saying that im gor fun, then she ran out of things to say so she started talking about how i sleep late and go out a lot and go on the pc a lot. blehs. Was texting Tze whilst watching tvb and eating my dinner haha xD then my mum came down after showering and was all nice to me again? lmao xD finished my dinner and went and ate oranges ^__^ then went upstairs, talked on msn and texted Tze and Nick whilst half sleeping just sitting here, was so tired i could've actually slept at 10.30 xD Showered and got ready to sleep, and came back, talked to Tze, and omg she was talking about my display picture on msn and she went and said this;
-TzeTzeღ says:
*omg lmao ur picture?...
-TzeTzeღ says:
*why is it like that
* { zoe t ran ★ says:
*lmfao what dya mean?
* { zoe t ran ★ says:
*xD
-TzeTzeღ says:
*like
-TzeTzeღ says:
*theres two boys?..
-TzeTzeღ says:
*at the bottom LOL
-TzeTzeღ says:
*oh wait..
-TzeTzeღ says:
*thats a mirror
-TzeTzeღ says:
*with a makeup brush HAHAAHAHAHA
-TzeTzeღ says:
*LOOOOOOOOL
-TzeTzeღ says:
*i thought it was a guy lmao
-TzeTzeღ says:
*:L
* { zoe t ran ★ says:
*LMFAO.
* { zoe t ran ★ says:
*hahaha.
* { zoe t ran ★ says:
*omg.
* { zoe t ran ★ says:
*you are so blind?
-TzeTzeღ says:
*._.
LMFAO, i thought it was hilarious, and cute. Haha, silly girl<3 Tomorrow's the last day of holidays, gonna go yumcha for my daddy's birthday, then go home and work hardcore on my geography, also going to wake up extra early tomorrow to do some of it.
Labels: friends, love, shopping, summer
I believe this feeling is true, babe.
Friday, 4 September 2009
TZETZE MA! i love you muimui<3 we'll stress in year11, and complain about the amount of homework and coursework and focus together and then text through classes because we're gay like that :)
Damn, school is so soon..and i still havent finished my geography coursework..gonna have to get that done. I'll probably do more tonight, and then do some tomorrow, and work my arse off on sunday for it. Think i might go out tomorrow aswell, last time before school starts >< then i start limiting myself..watched a few episodes of Burning Flames 3 today, almost caught up to tvb now..just 1 more episode, but then im gonna have to miss tonights one aswell since i havent watched the one before..talked to Tze a lot today, talking about cute texts haha~ and then i was texting Nick aswell~~ but he's replying slowly T__T but i guess he's working..so his replies would be slow..oovoo tonight though ^__^
Need to go shopping afterschool on monday, to buy a school skirt T_T..and possibly shirts..not that sure if im going to or just wear the tie collar ones =/
Real talk, I love you so much I feel the rush.
Thursday, 3 September 2009
Went shopping today..didn't really buy much..and i couldn't find any nice skirts for school T_T..decided i was just going to wear the tie collar shirts for school instead..and just buy a new skirt..got shoes and socks today..and a watch ^^~
Talked to Kamen and Joyce on the phone today aswell, kept telling Kamen to do her coursework haha, then was just kind of..having a mini catch up with Joyce~ only looking forward to going to school to see them...aigoo...
보고싶어..널아라? 와이아유놋온란? 와이아유놋테세팅미?...아이구..
(^ haha, you wont be able to read that unless you can romanize..korean-wise, it makes no sense at all)
Kamen told me she was reading the cute/sweet text messages thread on soompi..so i thought i would aswell..and omg they're so cute T_T i'd love a guy to text me those kind of texts~ so sweet ahah~
ngor lum yiw focus geh..mm pa la..ha chi seen king gai la~...
Labels: friends, love, shopping, summer
You don't know what a girl wants.
Monday, 31 August 2009
Today i went to Jen's house, mainly just relaxing with cousins :) played ddr and some other games, talked, ate and watched movies, was a good day..did a lot of talking..caught up on stuff..haha.
Was texting Andrew today aswell, and he actually replied to my texts haha, was quite a deep convo..ish..tried to convince him of some stuff..hopefully he'll listen to me..
I was also texting Nick, he woke up so freaking late from his afternoon sleep haha..got home and watched the Inkigayo perfs...GDRAGON<3 was on oovoo aswell..but then Tze and Kamen left..and i didnt even know..then Troy left aswell..so it was just me and Nick, but he was on the phone...but i could hear his conversation :D haha~
...I really hope..that isn't about me. It just makes it harder for me to try and talk to you if it is..because i don't want any wrong ideas..but if you're going to be so upfront and forward about it..i really don't know how to deal with this situation..but i'm sure everyone knows already..so why can't you just let go of it quickly? so it will be easier for both of us..or we'll just have to stay like this..it's too awkward.
Labels: friends, love, music, summer
I think I love you, that's how it seems.
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
Thinking about you constantly, worrying about you and missing you, I really, I was really hurting. Loving someone hurts and it's tiring but it's not something I could stop, going to you, I can't stop that. I love you, as much as the entire universe exploding, as much as the waters in every ocean drying, with my spirit burst as much as it spreads outward. I love you very much. 너 많이 사랑해
Lee Youngjae - Full House
Labels: love