My heart aches secretly, then just a hint of your smile can make feel fine again.
Friday, 13 November 2009
Wow, i must have been pretty out of it if i didn't blog with my mass of thoughts about the 1.59pm album o__o..listen to my HEARTbeat~ damn i love the whole album, all the new songs, the old songs, the remixes, the intro, everything.
6 out of the 13 songs has jays voice in it right? and he's the 7th missing member..maybe the 7th song that comes out with his voice in..will be his comeback? ♥ and most of the songs in 1.59pm are about leaving, or coming back, or waiting...and all of the new songs except tired of waiting has some english in it..reaching out to our seattle boy jay? ♥
They left him in the fanchant<3 thank you hottest!
park jaebeom, kim junsu nichkhun, ok taecyeon jang wooyoung, lee junho hwang chansung, 2PM♥
The music bank perf was really good, loved the intro dance, and it's all performed nicely...just it all somehow reminds me of Jay, even if he isn't there..
Was on soompi during ict today, read an article about JYP and Jay, it said about how if Jay wants to come back, then JYP will help him willingly, and that he's going to give him singing and dancing lessons to keep his standards up. And the part i like the most, If Jay makes a comeback, it won't be a solo. Of course, it would be with 2PM. JYP, Jay and the rest of the 2pm members wouldn't want Jay to come back solo. <3
Jay will be back, he'll be back soon with 2pm. He has to, he's keeping the 5 year contract. It just depends when he'll be coming back...just, hopefully, it'll be soon.
Baby, please don’t take his hand Coz you should be my lady I’ve been waiting for you for so long Please look at me now
The wedding dress you’re wearing~ Dong youngbae released his title track wedding dress today, i swear everyone's listening to it, i see it on their pms, sn and status' haha. YG said that wedding dress was going to be promoted strongly for the rest of the year, can't wait to see the comeback perf, love the choreography for it.
The music video omg, so sad. The part where Youngbae takes the girl away from her friend, and is about to propose, but then his friend comes along and sticks the ring on her finger before Youngbae could get his ring out of his pocket T_T
말도없이 눌물이 흘러내려 말도없이 가슴이 무너져가
You're Beautiful<3 I am actually in love with this drama. Lee Hongki, Jang Geunsuk, Jung Yonghwa, Park Shinhye. Perfect cast, i love it<3 Yonghwa is so sweet, he's like, the perfect sweet heart, that has the bad end of liking the girl who doesn't like him back. Geunsuk, the mean guy, but nonetheless he's so sweet aswell. And Hongki, just as always, silly and adorably cute, i swear i squeal whilst watching him, just too adorkable.
And the song, 말도없이, without words..i can read all the lyrics in korean hangeul characters! :D haha, i can actually read it fast enough to sing it without romanising it~ keke, love the song. hajimal geol geuraesseo~ moreun cheokhae beorilgeol~
2PM - Intro + Heartbeat @ Music Bank
Taeyang - Wedding Dress
Park Shinhye - Without Words
omg, i was looking through vids and found this, it's so cute!! omg. Jang Geunsuk & Park Shinhye<3 so cute together~
I was waiting and while I was waiting, it felt as if you would come back.
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
너를 기다리다 지쳐 미치고 또 하루하루 매일같이 일년이 같고 오~난 나 나 나~ 기다리다가 널 기다리다가 yeah~ 금방이라도 니가 다시 올 것만 같고 뒤돌아서면 다시 너를 볼 것만 같아 오~난 나 나 나~ 지쳐 미치고 난 지쳐 미치고 yeah~
I'm actually sitting here listening to the song trying to work out the difference between Jay's voice mixed in with Junsu's autotune, and Junsu's autotune. And i think i've found it.
If you listen to 1.00 of the song, and 1.15, both are autotuned, but 1.00 is Jay and Junsu, mainly overlap with Jay. and 1.15 is purely Junsu. if you compare them both, even if theyre different tones, the autotune voice is different, but they're both autotune. it's definitely Jay, it just depends if it was recorded before he left, and they just didn't want to change it. or if he's really back...
They tried to fake it as Junsu's autotune..but if Junsu's voice was autotuned it would NOT sound like that. it's not possible for Junsu's voice to sound like that. And even the adlib at the end..it's in Jay's voice style, like how you would hear him do adlibs for only you and again & again. it's got to be Jay.
Even at the beginning, the 'oooh~' that can't be Junsu, it's not his voice. I can tell Jay's voice because it's so distinctive..it must've either been pre-recorded before he left, or it was recent, and Jay's back with 2PM... It has to be directed at Jay right? They're waiting for him, just like everyone else is.
I am going insane, going insane, I am holding back just in case you come back, I am still waiting. Even if a month goes by, I'll still remember you, even if a year goes by, I still won't let you go. Can you understand my desires for you? Going insane while waiting and each day feels like a year. I was waiting and while I was waiting, it felt as if you would come back, or if I look back I would see your face. I am going insane, going insane
It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love.
Friday, 30 October 2009
It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. I've been told, a few too many times to simply step back into real life. It's more on the lines of 'Zoe, stop fantasizing, watching dramas, reading fanfics and get a life.' People may find it stupid, but I think I know a lot more after really immersing myself into the countless stories that I wish would be my fate.
It's surprising, how it's possible to see everything clearly when infatuation isn't in the way. Once you can gather your thoughts straight, you can think properly and realise everything isn't as it seems, isn't as you thought it was. You will either realise, and fall further, knowing that everything that left you is everything that you need. Or you will rise higher, knowing that everything that left you was for the better, and you can move on to what is more important.
It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. The reason to love, is the person that will love me unconditionally, everything that I want, he'll give. Everything that I need, he'll give. Everything that I do, he'll support. He'll be on my side, unconditionally. Nothing will stop him from staying with me, although there might be times when arguments take over, and everything falls apart. He'll leave, but he will always, always come back.
There are different types of love, some which break easily because you give up, some which are strong because you hold on tight enough and some which go beyond anything in the world. Love isn't just an emotion, the whole process of loving someone must include physical and verbal affection. If you can't get that from someone, then really...it isn't worth it.
It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. When that one person comes into your life, who changes everything then straight away, the first thing you should know is that it won't be easy. You have to be ready for your life to tie up in knots, and once you untie one, another will start to form, you have to be fast to deal with it, so you can finally untie all knots and have a smooth outcome.
Nothing that you want enough, will be easy. But in the end, it'll be worth it. As everyone does, you'll have to face a problem in your life, a problem that stops you from getting where you want, an obstacle to your dreamed of perfect ending. You know you have two choices- hold on, and face everything that will lead you to breaking, or give up, and live your live without that one that you have always wanted.
It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. Once you step foot into this world, your only way out was death. Your only ending is death. Once you took your first breath in this air, your only way to lose the attachment with it was death. Your only ending is death. If the outcome, no matter what happens, would always be the same...why spend your life in misery? why spend your life in guilt? why spend your life in regret?
If you ever find a person who could love you unconditionally, find a person that would change your world, and give you theirs, then you hold on to it. You hold on to it with everything you have. You forget the second choice of giving up, and you hold on. You hold on and face everything that will lead you to breaking, because in the end, there's only death. Why would you fear how you would be if your once in a lifetime love left you after you gave them your all if you would just regret that you never gave them your all in the first place. You forget the fear, forget the guilt, forget the regret. And you live knowing that you deserve to be happy, you don't deserve to feel the negative emotions that reside within you.
It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. Don't listen to anything that tries to scare you, because it's always possible to face it.
“Even a chance at being miserable for the years to come if he leaves you?” “Wouldn’t you be miserable if you never went back to him?”
Exactly that. Misery and regret will haunt you if you don't take the chance, and take in the one love that changed your life, the one love that loves you unconditionally, the one love that is once in a lifetime. Instead, you go with them, and you do everything in your power to stay with them, to run with them, to love with them because in the end, you'll at least be able to smile, knowing that if they leave you, you had your time with them, and you gave them your all.
My Illusionist, will you take me into a world filled with timeless magic?
“I just wanted you to know,” her voice began softly, tears filling her eyes as she held the love of her life close to her, never again letting him go, “…that no matter where life takes me, no matter the distance, no matter the length of time, no matter the obstacles—I'll always come back to you. Even if I, myself, am not sure if I'll come back—in the end I'll always come back. Cause that's the thing about boomerangs, right? They come back even if they feel they shouldn't, they come back even if the world tries to stop them, they come back because they ultimately know where they belong... and who they belong to. "
___________________
She wrapped her arms around him and then brought his head down so that their foreheads were touching, so she could stare into his eyes with pure hope, “My Illusionist, will you take me into a world filled with timeless magic?”
He smiled, grazing his hand over her face, “Are you willing to disappear?”
“Will you disappear with me?”
His smile grew wider as he nodded and then pressed his soft lips against hers, giving her his soul. He no longer cared about anything else.
Both of them no longer cared about what the future had in store for them.
All that mattered to them was the here and now—all that mattered to them was their timeless distraction.
“Let’s disappear, Princess.”
___________________
Chapters 36 and 37 finally read, and only one more update left before this fanfic is completed, now all there is, is the wait. Ha, nearly cried. Tears were blurring my vision whilst i was trying to read chapter 36, this story is just too emotional..it's really having some kind of weird affect on me. I guess i just can't help it..when there's so much in there that you would want to happen for yourself, and so much that you'll be damned if it happened to you. All there is, is the wait. Hopefully, a happily ever after.
No, no..omg no. This fic is actually getting to me, i've just read the end of chapter 31 and damn, it's so heartbreaking..just earlier i read this part and thought it was so sweet, in a weird way..but still sweet.
“No, you really did that. You murmured something in your sleep and got up. I thought you were awake and I asked if you were getting better but you didn’t say anything and just came down onto the floor and wrapped your arms around me and then slept on my chest. It was actually kinda scary because you lifted up my shirt and kept smoothing your hands over my abs,” he smiled coyly, “That was when I knew you had a thing for my stomach. You wouldn’t stop molesting it until you fell asleep.”
But just at the end of the chapter, everything's changed...it feels like a relationship that was so perfect just before, everything working out, a dream date going well, it all changes...violence, hatred and killer instincts took over and there's a complete mess. What the hell.
I need to read on..chapter 32 now, then there's chapter 33...then i'll have to wait for updates. It's going to kill me to wait for these updates...in the past few days all i've had on my mind is this fic, and the wish for a fanfic life..
The first part of chapter 32, i've just read it...and it's even more heartbreaking, i actually spilt a few tears...i can't believe it's happening..how a relationship can be broken so quickly, just because of something that couldn't be controlled. Because of someone else a perfect relationship was broken.
Wow..she's back..haha, whoever's reading this probably won't understand what i'm on about..but that someone else is actually back. Completely killing the love story that was once there, now i have one more chapter to read..and i think i'll finish it now before going to sleep..
It's 4.15am, and i have finally finished chapter 33 of welcome to the underworld, and damn. The main guy, never fails to amaze me, the end of that chapter really has left me wanting a heck of a load more. Too bad i'll have to wait.
Happiness, tears, love, anger and shock. All of those emotions went through me at some point whilst reading these few chapters.
No one said finding Paris would be easy; they only said it would be worth it.
Monday, 26 October 2009
Is it wrong, to wish to live in a fiction story? a fanfic, 'Welcome to the Underworld' to be exact. I find that every time i read a fanfic, i always wish that i was that main girl, with the perfect frame, flawless skin and beautiful looks and personality. The one that everyone likes, and then i fall in love with the hot and sexy, but sweet bad guy. And no matter how bad he seems to everyone else, i know that he's sweet, and that he's sweet only to me.
Having your life as a story would be so perfect, you could write your own ending, everything that leads to it and occurs before it. You could have the sweetest, hottest, sexiest, most charming guy be yours, and yours only. Knowing that although loads of girls would die to be by his side, and try with all their might to be close to him, he would disregard them and look at you only.
You could have that romantic scene with a beautiful view, fresh and relaxing air and soft breeze, the sun kissing your skin..you could have the late night in depth talks, letting everything inside of you out, and taking everything from him in..and you could have the bitter arguments, completely screaming eachothers heads off, and then making up straight after with a simple sign of affection or concern.
The guy will always be there by you, when you're in any form of danger, he puts you closely behind him and blocks anything that could hurt you. He can read your mind. He can tell everything that your thinking, and he knows when something is bothering you, and you know that you can trust him, trust him enough to tell him everything, everything that you weren't meant to say, everything that you've kept to yourself, you can tell him all of it.
You would know he would never leave you, ever. He can't leave you. You tell him something and he loses his mind, he goes crazy and walks out of the door, half way out he stops. He stops when you tell him to stay, he stops when you tell him that you need him. But then he whispers a 'sorry' and walks out, closing the door behind him. You lean against the back of the door and slide to the ground, tears filling your eyes. You can't stand it so you leave too, you find somewhere to go. Then the next day, you find out...that just one minute. Just one minute after you left, he came back for you, because he couldn't leave you. He never left you, he spent all but a few minutes of the time he left you just standing on the other side of the door, not being able to leave, but not being able to come back. In the last few minutes he runs down the stairs trying to distance himself from you, and in that time, you leave. You take the elevator and you leave. And just as you go down, he comes running back up, he comes back up and come back to you. But you're not there. It's just the next day, you find all of this out, and you find out that he spent the whole day searching around the whole city trying to find you.
In every situation where you're outside in the cold, unprepared. He takes off his jacket or hoodie, and covers you with it, and you can smell his cologne and feel his warmth. He says that he's got a lot on his mind, and so do you, so he takes you to a place, a silent place with a beautiful view. He sits there on the grass and tells you to do the same, then when he realises you're cold, he stands up, and repositions himself so he's behind you, you sit in between his parted legs, and he wraps his arms around you, keeping you both warm.
These are really only a few of the things that i can think of, the sweetest parts that i remember from the fic that i'm reading, and i thought...it would be so good, just perfect, if my life was like a fanfic, where even through all the bad troubles that come, the ending will always be good. Although it's a wish that would never come true, it doesn't hurt to just wish, that my life could be like this...