It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. I've been told, a few too many times to simply step back into real life. It's more on the lines of 'Zoe, stop fantasizing, watching dramas, reading fanfics and get a life.' People may find it stupid, but I think I know a lot more after really immersing myself into the countless stories that I wish would be my fate.

It's surprising, how it's possible to see everything clearly when infatuation isn't in the way. Once you can gather your thoughts straight, you can think properly and realise everything isn't as it seems, isn't as you thought it was.
You will either realise, and fall further, knowing that everything that left you is everything that you need. Or you will rise higher, knowing that everything that left you was for the better, and you can move on to what is more important.

It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. The reason to love, is the person that will love me unconditionally, everything that I want, he'll give. Everything that I need, he'll give. Everything that I do, he'll support. He'll be on my side, unconditionally. Nothing will stop him from staying with me, although there might be times when arguments take over, and everything falls apart. He'll leave, but he will always, always come back.

There are different types of love, some which break easily because you give up, some which are strong because you hold on tight enough and some which go beyond anything in the world. Love isn't just an emotion, the whole process of loving someone must include physical and verbal affection. If you can't get that from someone, then really...it isn't worth it.

It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. When that one person comes into your life, who changes everything then straight away, the first thing you should know is that it won't be easy. You have to be ready for your life to tie up in knots, and once you untie one, another will start to form, you have to be fast to deal with it, so you can finally untie all knots and have a smooth outcome.

Nothing that you want enough, will be easy. But in the end, it'll be worth it. As everyone does, you'll have to face a problem in your life, a problem that stops you from getting where you want, an obstacle to your dreamed of perfect ending. You know you have two choices- hold on, and face everything that will lead you to breaking, or give up, and live your live without that one that you have always wanted.

It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. Once you step foot into this world, your only way out was death. Your only ending is death. Once you took your first breath in this air, your only way to lose the attachment with it was death. Your only ending is death. If the outcome, no matter what happens, would always be the same...why spend your life in misery? why spend your life in guilt? why spend your life in regret?

If you ever find a person who could love you unconditionally, find a person that would change your world, and give you theirs, then you hold on to it. You hold on to it with everything you have. You forget the second choice of giving up, and you hold on. You hold on and face everything that will lead you to breaking, because in the end, there's only death. Why would you fear how you would be if your once in a lifetime love left you after you gave them your all if you would just regret that you never gave them your all in the first place. You forget the fear, forget the guilt, forget the regret. And you live knowing that you deserve to be happy, you don't deserve to feel the negative emotions that reside within you.

It's not that I refuse to love, but that I haven't found the reason to love. Don't listen to anything that tries to scare you, because it's always possible to face it.

“Even a chance at being miserable for the years to come if he leaves you?”
“Wouldn’t you be miserable if you never went back to him?”

Exactly that. Misery and regret will haunt you if you don't take the chance, and take in the one love that changed your life, the one love that loves you unconditionally, the one love that is once in a lifetime. Instead, you go with them, and you do everything in your power to stay with them, to run with them, to love with them because in the end, you'll at least be able to smile, knowing that if they leave you, you had your time with them, and you gave them your all.

Labels: love, thoughts

“I just wanted you to know,” her voice began softly, tears filling her eyes as she held the love of her life close to her, never again letting him go, “…that no matter where life takes me, no matter the distance, no matter the length of time, no matter the obstacles—I'll always come back to you. Even if I, myself, am not sure if I'll come back—in the end I'll always come back. Cause that's the thing about boomerangs, right? They come back even if they feel they shouldn't, they come back even if the world tries to stop them, they come back because they ultimately know where they belong... and who they belong to. "

___________________

She wrapped her arms around him and then brought his head down so that their foreheads were touching, so she could stare into his eyes with pure hope, “My Illusionist, will you take me into a world filled with timeless magic?”

He smiled, grazing his hand over her face, “Are you willing to disappear?”

“Will you disappear with me?”

His smile grew wider as he nodded and then pressed his soft lips against hers, giving her his soul. He no longer cared about anything else.

Both of them no longer cared about what the future had in store for them.

All that mattered to them was the here and now—all that mattered to them was their timeless distraction.



“Let’s disappear, Princess.”

___________________

Chapters 36 and 37 finally read, and only one more update left before this fanfic is completed, now all there is, is the wait. Ha, nearly cried. Tears were blurring my vision whilst i was trying to read chapter 36, this story is just too emotional..it's really having some kind of weird affect on me. I guess i just can't help it..when there's so much in there that you would want to happen for yourself, and so much that you'll be damned if it happened to you. All there is, is the wait. Hopefully, a happily ever after.

Labels: love, thoughts

No, no..omg no. This fic is actually getting to me, i've just read the end of chapter 31 and damn, it's so heartbreaking..just earlier i read this part and thought it was so sweet, in a weird way..but still sweet.

“No, you really did that. You murmured something in your sleep and got up. I thought you were awake and I asked if you were getting better but you didn’t say anything and just came down onto the floor and wrapped your arms around me and then slept on my chest. It was actually kinda scary because you lifted up my shirt and kept smoothing your hands over my abs,” he smiled coyly, “That was when I knew you had a thing for my stomach. You wouldn’t stop molesting it until you fell asleep.”

But just at the end of the chapter, everything's changed...it feels like a relationship that was so perfect just before, everything working out, a dream date going well, it all changes...violence, hatred and killer instincts took over and there's a complete mess. What the hell.

I need to read on..chapter 32 now, then there's chapter 33...then i'll have to wait for updates. It's going to kill me to wait for these updates...in the past few days all i've had on my mind is this fic, and the wish for a fanfic life..

The first part of chapter 32, i've just read it...and it's even more heartbreaking, i actually spilt a few tears...i can't believe it's happening..how a relationship can be broken so quickly, just because of something that couldn't be controlled. Because of someone else a perfect relationship was broken.

Wow..she's back..haha, whoever's reading this probably won't understand what i'm on about..but that someone else is actually back. Completely killing the love story that was once there, now i have one more chapter to read..and i think i'll finish it now before going to sleep..

It's 4.15am, and i have finally finished chapter 33 of welcome to the underworld, and damn. The main guy, never fails to amaze me, the end of that chapter really has left me wanting a heck of a load more. Too bad i'll have to wait.

Happiness, tears, love, anger and shock. All of those emotions went through me at some point whilst reading these few chapters.

Labels: love, thoughts

Have been at my aunties since monday, dyed my hair last night, and left there early today to get out for the cwalk linkup. Got up and got ready etc..also read some more of wttu :D have been reading it constantly, sitting in my cousin's play room/relaxing room whilst he played on the xbox and screamed at all his friends over the headset whilst i had the laptop propped on the arm of the sofa, sitting with my ipod in and cuddling a pillow, practically immersing myself into the fic. I've just read one and a bit chapters, finally on chapter 30 and omg :O it's at such a good part, but i'm tired..so i'll save the rest for another day.

After getting ready, i got all my things, and then my mum drove me to the o2, i rang Kamen when i got there, asking her where she was, then i saw the massive group of asians..haha. She couldn't see me though, i was like 'i can see Cindy, and KY and Jess!' and she still couldn't see me, turns out she was facing the wrong way. idiot. haha.

After watching a bit of cwalking, and pretty much walking around aimlessly for an hour or so, we decided to head for central. I didn't really have money with me though, since i was hoping that we weren't actually going to go central, so i could get the bus home from o2 for free instead...but since we were going to central, i started to ask for someone to pay for my ticket. Tried to ask Yip, but i think he was ignoring me for beating him up earlier ^^'' then i asked Troy, but he said he had no money, so i asked KY, and he pretty much gave it, just like that. Haha<3

So then, me and Joyce went to get our tickets, since the rest had already went, i wasn't really thinking, and was more expecting to get my normal return card and then run out of abbey wood without being caught with the wrong card..but then it turns out that i couldn't get that kind of ticket there, obviously i didn't take in the fact it was underground and not rail.

I started walking around pointlessly since i needed an extra pound to get a travel card...and then a load of people came down. I saw Andrew and then tried to get money off him by grabbing onto his arm and tugging it like 'please~ please ah gor~ please~' hahaha, then he said he'll give me £1 if someone else would pay the other half, by that time, KY misinterpreted the £1 i was holding earlier to be my own, so he took it back..until i begged him for it so i could have Andrew's pound and actually buy a ticket, he gave in though~ so then i bought the ticket and went with everyone else to get on a train.

We got to central, then went to mcdonalds and some people got food, but then me, Joyce and Cindy were just like 'no money.' when people asked us if we were getting anything xD i ended up just stealing KY, Kamen and Yip's chips, and one and a half chicken nuggets off Kamen xD

Went to troc after, just the normal really..walk around, this time i didn't pay much attention to people on pump or mt3 though, mainly was just saying hi to people and stuff..found KC and Kelvin at pump, then i said to KC 'you still haven't added me' and he said that he'll add me tonight, cos he doesn't see the point of this anymore xD

Walked around outside with Cindy for a while, getting fresh air...then when we got back in we saw Jess come out, so then we stayed with her a while then walked around troc together. Mainly just walked around everywhere, then we headed over to traf, saw Nick, then everyone practically went 'OHMYGOD IT'S NICK!' and jumped on him. LOL

Stayed at traf, talked to people..messed around..and then i went home. xD got back home on time, wasn't late at all ^^ simply got home, ate dinner..then read welcome to the underworld for the rest of the time.

Oh, and Andrew. I hate you, why does your hair colour come out better than mine without doing anything different to it -____-...

Labels: friends

Is it wrong, to wish to live in a fiction story? a fanfic, 'Welcome to the Underworld' to be exact.
I find that every time i read a fanfic, i always wish that i was that main girl, with the perfect frame, flawless skin and beautiful looks and personality. The one that everyone likes, and then i fall in love with the hot and sexy, but sweet bad guy. And no matter how bad he seems to everyone else, i know that he's sweet, and that he's sweet only to me.

Having your life as a story would be so perfect, you could write your own ending, everything that leads to it and occurs before it. You could have the sweetest, hottest, sexiest, most charming guy be yours, and yours only. Knowing that although loads of girls would die to be by his side, and try with all their might to be close to him, he would disregard them and look at you only.

You could have that romantic scene with a beautiful view, fresh and relaxing air and soft breeze, the sun kissing your skin..you could have the late night in depth talks, letting everything inside of you out, and taking everything from him in..and you could have the bitter arguments, completely screaming eachothers heads off, and then making up straight after with a simple sign of affection or concern.

The guy will always be there by you, when you're in any form of danger, he puts you closely behind him and blocks anything that could hurt you. He can read your mind. He can tell everything that your thinking, and he knows when something is bothering you, and you know that you can trust him, trust him enough to tell him everything, everything that you weren't meant to say, everything that you've kept to yourself, you can tell him all of it.

You would know he would never leave you, ever. He can't leave you. You tell him something and he loses his mind, he goes crazy and walks out of the door, half way out he stops. He stops when you tell him to stay, he stops when you tell him that you need him. But then he whispers a 'sorry' and walks out, closing the door behind him. You lean against the back of the door and slide to the ground, tears filling your eyes. You can't stand it so you leave too, you find somewhere to go. Then the next day, you find out...that just one minute. Just one minute after you left, he came back for you, because he couldn't leave you. He never left you, he spent all but a few minutes of the time he left you just standing on the other side of the door, not being able to leave, but not being able to come back. In the last few minutes he runs down the stairs trying to distance himself from you, and in that time, you leave. You take the elevator and you leave. And just as you go down, he comes running back up, he comes back up and come back to you. But you're not there. It's just the next day, you find all of this out, and you find out that he spent the whole day searching around the whole city trying to find you.

In every situation where you're outside in the cold, unprepared. He takes off his jacket or hoodie, and covers you with it, and you can smell his cologne and feel his warmth. He says that he's got a lot on his mind, and so do you, so he takes you to a place, a silent place with a beautiful view. He sits there on the grass and tells you to do the same, then when he realises you're cold, he stands up, and repositions himself so he's behind you, you sit in between his parted legs, and he wraps his arms around you, keeping you both warm.

These are really only a few of the things that i can think of, the sweetest parts that i remember from the fic that i'm reading, and i thought...it would be so good, just perfect, if my life was like a fanfic, where even through all the bad troubles that come, the ending will always be good. Although it's a wish that would never come true, it doesn't hurt to just wish, that my life could be like this...

Labels: love, thoughts

IT IS FINISHED. 2.50am, geography coursework finally finished. I CAN SLEEEEEEP<3 yay. haha~ hm, kind of annoys me how mine is only 63pages when it should vary between 50-80 pages..i mean..70 would've been nice. But i've written enough already.
Slept at 5.50am last night, slept for 2 hours then woke up to carry on with my geography. Stayed at home and didn't go into school until lunch, had double geography, didn't hand in the work cos i wasn't finished. Luckily the deadline is actually tomorrow.../today...thursday. So i can hand it in and be fine now cos i've finished~ 16576 words not including contents page or any hand drawn annotations and graphs xD aigoo. sleep now~

Labels: school, work

It's 4.05am, and look, i've been up the whole time doing my geography coursework, haven't finished yet, but i've done 13/24 of it :D i'm tired, but not tired :/ skipping the first two periods tomorrow, and going in at around 11..hopefully i can get some sleep before then~
Back to geography then~

Labels: school, work

Fail. Fail. Fail
Yesterday i spent the whole day just on facebook, youtube and soompi. Today, i did the exact same thing. This is pointless, my business coursework is due on tuesday, geography coursework due on wednesday and i can't concentrate...

I've only edited the first two paragraphs of my geography, still need to go through all the other parts of it, then find pictures and put all of it together, check it all again before printing it off and annotating stuff by hand and finishing my shop surveys and checking my graphs.

Still need to finish the secondary research for my business, luckily i actually did some in the lesson on friday, or else i'd have even more to do...FOCUSSSSS. omg. I spent the afternoon changing my blogspot skin...and looking up lyrics to beast's album...then listening to MR removed perf videos...

My geography is in front of me, masses of sheets and writing and drawings, but i'm not doing anything about it. Pfffffft. Focus focus focus.
I keep saying to myself 'okay, after i do this, i will do my coursework' but then i just go and do something else, or find something to do. wdf.

Focus. Focus. Focus. FML. -___-

Labels: music, work

Forgot to blog last 2 days =/

Monday -
All i remember was that it was a bad day? xD tiring mainly, wasn't really bothered to do anything.

Tuesday -
Business: An okay lesson, just a lot of work really..
English: Had a cover, spent the whole lesson talking to Kamen about hk xD
Maths: An okay lesson again, got all the work done i think?
Fitness: Spent the lesson outside the fitness room on the exercise balls talking to Joyce and Noor about anime, expo, circle lens and other stuff..hahaha
German: Bad lesson? Mr Symes is still in his stroppy i'm-going-to-make-their-lessons-feel-like-torture mood...
Trampolining: Lesson was okayy..did progression to swivel hips..found out Kamen jumps really weird..she like..flings herself forward when she does seat drops hahaa xDD

After school was hell. Was at the bus stop at around 4.05pm? First bus didn't come, i didn't GET on the second bus because there were so many people, i was further down in the line so i gave up and went and got the b11 instead. Got on it, got a seat and stuff, but then i got off at abbey wood station, and waited forever for a 229, got home almost half an hour later than i normally do -____-

Wednesday -
So today, an okay day i guess...except the end.
Physics: Did the ISA exam, was okay, messed up on a question though..-___-
Maths: Lesson wasn't bad, got all my work done and got it all right, so i'm good ^__^
ICT: There were 5 people in this lesson, including me. Everyone else was on the history trip, so the class was really empty. Barely got anything done, just filled in a bit of data, using name like Jessica Jung, Key Kim, Henry Lau, Amber Liu etc..haha, english sounding korean names ftw! :D
Geography: Got my census graph analysis done, checked, and edited in this double lesson, so that's one thing off the list for my geography coursework.

After school was bad again, missed the first bus, so we went walking around a bit, then i missed the second bus aswell, got on the third, was okay journey, but took ages. Got home at like 5.10pm? and then i didn't even get to start eating dinner before my mum got home, so i ended up having to wash all the dishes, and hers. -____- I swear, we either need a bigger sink, a tap where you can pull it out like a shower head or a frikkin' smaller wok.

Listened to some new songs~ M BLAQ and Beast debuted today~ M BLAQ are so sexy, omg..Leejoon and Cheolyong, sexsexsex. So frikkin' sexy :D haha. LOVE THEM. Seriously, and they're mine. EVERYONE HANDS OFF :D

Didn't get to do my german coursework today, and it's due tomorrow..but i left the first half of it at school, so i'm gonna go in early tomorrow and finish it off, shouldn't be too bad, i hope ><


^ OMG you see that? YOU SEE IT? That's Leejoon, yo. And he's mine :D drool all you want kekeke. SEXXXXXXXY<3

Labels: friends, music, school

It feels like I've been dreaming for a long time
I've wandered and wandered around for a while
As if we made a promise
Standing here in front of each other like that day from four seasons ago
Those beautiful stories that we wrote down together
Those eternal promises that we prayed for at that time
They're all coming back to me now and I don't think my heart can take it
I've even restrained myself at the thought of you
How has your one year been

For a long time, I've been living, having forgotten of you
For a while, I thought I was doing fine
However I started to realize it as time passed by
That I am nothing without you
At that time, if only we had been a bit more mature
If only we knew how we would be right now
I have no confidence in overcoming these endless regrets
So I've had to just repress them
One year has passed like that

Could your feelings perhaps be the same as mine?
Will you give me another chance?
I know now that we can never part from each other
The one person I love and love again

I wish we can go back to our first days
To the beautiful, happy and loving days
Those heart-breaking stories and vain arguments
Just bury all of that now
And promise that we won't take them out again
No matter how many seasons pass and how many years go by
I hope that we won't meet like today again

slightly old, but i love it. 그 때 우리가 써내려갔던 아름다웠던 이야기

Labels: music

Didn't really do much today, watched dream concert perfs<3 hmm, bigbang's ones didn't get broadcasted on request from yg -___-...2pm's perf didn't get broadcasted, but then i watched fancams of both. All good performances, they left Jay's voice in the music, and his space wherever he's meant to be in the perf, was nice...makes me miss him though ><

Fire & I Don't Care perfs were epic :D 2ne1 ftw!~ the TTL2 perf was really good aswell :D all members this time~ 4minute's perf was good. Super Junior performed Super Girl, Sorry Sorry and neorago<3 i want Donghae to go back to how he looked during the comeback of sorry sorry, looked so sexy.

Then i was just on soompi and facebook? Felt quite active today, think i've gotten a lot better ^^~ was dancing around in my room hahaha. Learnt most of the MUSIK dance~ and then tried to learn the again and again part that's like..so frikkin confusing =/ kind of got it, but i can't do it fast enough without messing up. Need to practice haha~

Didn't get any work done at all..T__T gonna have to focus this week and get my coursework done, geography & german mainly. Mocks coming up soon too, need to do well..aigoo >< was going to read more of Welcome to the Underworld, but then i didn't..it's just there. =/ looked at pics of hongki, jonghun and jiyong~ photoshopped a banner for soompi, was just cropping and then desaturating really..then made an icon to go with it~

Labels: artwork

Woke up around 9am? looked at my phone, saw a text from KY and a text from Vic, read them both..but then just put my phone down and tried to go back to sleep. Just ended up lying on my bed for ages...got out of bed around 10 or 11? Don't even know haha. Brushed my teeth, washed face, ate breakfast etc~ got ready..went on pc for a while and texted Kamen for a while

Got out the house around 11.30am, got to the busstop and the bus came, good timing ^^. Got to woolwich around 12.05pm? Walked out a bit and then saw Kamen walking over, good timing aswell~ so we just went to the shops~ went into superdrugs first, i bought nail varnish remover, cough sweets and some water. Then we walked around a bit, went into new look, Kamen tried to find the jumper she wanted, we tried on some shoes..then went to dorothy perkins, on the way I saw Penny~ she was just waiting in the cash machine line, said she was gonna go meet Fui after~ went into dorothy perkins, tried to look for the armwarmers, couldn't find them. Tried to look for the jumpers, couldn't find them. T_T...so annoying. Just left, and went to starbucks instead.

Got a starbucks card~ free extras every day baby :D meaning i don't have to go paying more for my extras in white caffe mocha :D yumyumyum~ yeah, got the drink..sat down for a bit, then just left and went to get on da trainnn. Got to the station, bought my ticket, went over to the platform and a cannon st. train was there, so we just got on. Walked down a bit then sat down..was ringing and texting people to see if they were coming out or not..Kamen was watching her drama..then she started laughing to herself LOL i was just like 'That's why you don't watch dramas on a train, what if you were by yourself?' haha xD

We got off at london bridge, changed platforms, at the train was gonna be there in 1 minute, such good timing haha~ got on the train, sat down at the side..some woman was sitting there with like..an angry/confused face and was knitting =/ got off at charing cross, went to traf, couldn't find anyone, was going to troc, but went into mcdonalds to find Joyce cos Kamen wanted to steal food, and then found Yip with her. Joyce was drop calling Troy for him..but then Yip choked on something and walked away just when Troy called back, so i took the phone and was like 'wassup wassup...' and then he replied 'wassupwassupwassup!' hahaha, but then he still didn't know it was me -___- so then i was like 'future fiance' and i don't think he really knew it was me? but then he was like 'is it Zoe?' talked to him for a bit, then he said he was gonna come out at 4.30pm, but then i didn't even see him.

Left Joyce and went to troc with Kamen and Yip, told Yip that we were going to find Kamen's mum, and how she's pro at ddr and stuff, and he actually believed us xD silly Yip haha. Got to troc, couldn't find anyone though, sat down for a while and then called Rex, he was asking me who i was with so i just said 'Kamen and Yip.' and then there was this pause..and then he was like '...Kevin?' hahaha, think it took him a while to work it out lmao.

Went to chinatown so Kamen could buy a drink and pocky for her brother, then we went to sticker photos to see if anyone was there, and then we saw Karmen~ talked to her for a bit, then we went to hk cafe to see if anyone was there, nobody was though, so we just left. Walked to traf, sat there for a while then Rex came, then Jordan came, and said that some people were at hk cafe...waited a while, then i was calling Jess and Vic to see where they were..then Vic called Kamen and said he was at hk cafe...went back there and found him so we just sat around there and i called Jess and told her where we were~

Still ill, was coughing the whole day, and like...needed to sneeze but i couldn't so i was just getting watery eyes..so annoying >< and runny nose~ bleeeeh. Sat at hk cafe for ageeees. Jess came, then Kamen left, then Carmen and Mini came, then Jess, Vic and some others left, then Crystal came. Our table was like..the 'sick' table since me, Mini and Jordan are ill, Yip was starting to get ill, and Carmen thought she was gonna be ill soon cos of Mini haha. Carmen and Jordan were eating so we just waited for them to finish then walked over to troc, saw Kelvin, KY, Alfred and a load of other people sitting around..so we just joined them..

Then everyone kind of migrated over to the outside of mcdonalds when Jess and Vic were back. Don't really know where Giles came from, but he was there hahaha. Stood around there for a while, then Andrew and KC came, then a load of people went to kfc. Yip came back with a snack box, so i started to leech off him :D then some of us went into troc, stayed around ddr/pump area, then me and Giles swapped rings, and then he was fighting for it back..and i couldn't stop him -___- then he had my other ring aswell xD me and Crystal walked out for a bit to get some air, then on the way back, we saw KY and Giles going for some air.

A bit later me, Crystal, Carmen, Mini and Yip went to find some others...went to lv to find them, but they weren't there..so then we just started going to traf, but i didn't really realise that it was gonna take a while to get back, so then me, Crystal and Yip started running to the station...but then i gave up and decided to just get the next train, but got to the station..then realised that if i just ran for 1 or 2 minutes longer..i would've actually managed to get on the train -___- got the station and actually saw the train leaving. Next train was at 6.50pm so we just went to traf.

Everyone was at traf by that time...sat around a bit...didn't really do much. Time past and then i started to say bye to people, Crystal was going to take me to station, but then Giles decided to instead, he walked with me to the station, then we just talked for a while then there was just 2 minutes left so i said bye and got on the train~

One of the most unpleasant train journeys...some old guy sat opposite me...and then he took his shoes off..and was talking really loudly to his friend behind him...and then he kept touching his feet and stuff...-___- then later, 2 of the other guys that were with him..swapped pants. They took off their pants and swapped them, on a train. -___-...tried to look out the window so i didn't have to see them, but the window was just a reflection of everything...

Then they ended up getting off at the same stop as me -___- and i swear the guy that was sitting opposite me turned around and looked at me then laughed with his friend? i was just like O__o...walked up to the busstop..waited for ages..think i missed a bus just before cos then all the other buses came..but then one came at 6.30pm, got home at 6.35pm and my mum was on the phone.

Went upstairs, took a shower, then went downstairs and ate dinner...then when my mum was finished on the phone, she came into the kitchen whilst i finished washing the dishes and was getting my lemsip haha, she asked me why i was late, and i was like 'Did you get my text?' she said no -____-...but then i was just like 'oh, well i texted you saying the train was delayed, but i lied. I just missed the train.' and she was like 'you lied?...' and i said 'yeah, dunno why. Realised there wasn't any point cos i could just tell you that i missed the train.' then i said about how it left when i got there -___- annoying much. But all she said was that i had to come home early next time, which is cwalk linkup, so yeah~ not that fussed really.

Came on the pc afterwards, was just listening to music, drinking lemsip and texting...then at 9pm i slept for 2 hours, found my mum in my room like 'turn off the pc then go to sleep' but then i needed to use the bathroom, so i just went on pc for a bit and talked to Tze whilst i waited for my mum to finish. Went and brushed my teeth..then decided i was gonna blog before sleeping..

..Nose is blocked again..aigoo. Gonna sleep now~~ get well soon Tze and Yip! ^^

Labels: friends

Short blog, too tired, need to do english and maths work..
headache for most of the day today, was just slightly less noticeable.
coughs slightly worse? -___-...
runny nose..blocked nose now..
and walking down stairs feels really weird o___o..it's like i don't really notice how many steps there are anymore..i don't know when i'm meant to expect to be on level ground again..haven't tripped or anything, but it's still weird, don't understand how i'm meant to be walking down stairs..feels like i'm walking down them too quickly but can't slow down..pfft.
have the hpv jab tomorrow aswell...not scared of the injection..just the aching afterwards -__-..

Labels: school

Woke up at 6 something this morning, went to the toilet, then back to sleep for like..10 mins..then my alarm went off, turned that off..slept for another 15 mins, then my other alarm went off, turned that off, then slept for another 15 mins before finally getting up haha~

Got out a tiny bit late, missed my bus..but it was actually RIGHT THERE. I was just on the other side of the road T_T...got on a 229 instead..then I got a text from Vic and Tze at the same time, both saying that they just got up and were going to be late..then when i was walking to school, i got a text from both of them at the same time again, saying that they just got into school. -____- and i was out before them, but got in later than them.

Went straight to the form room, didn't get marked in late ^^~ had assembly in the morning -__- can't even remember what it was about..

Physics: Double lesson, was going the isa practical. Whilst i was drawing my table, i got a text from Nick saying that he was really late, and only just left home o___o i asked why he was so late and he just said 'Cos is looked horrible outside and i wanted to have a long bath :)' hahaha xD was doing the experiment with Ellen and Bethany, just walking around the classroom, sticking the thermometer in the water, taking the temperature measurements and resistance. Simple. Was going around the second time? and then Alex decided to hit me with a thermometer that had just been in 68 degrees water -___-...

Maths: Lesson was okay, got a lot of work done..got away with not having my text book..thought the teacher was going to give me a warning -__-'' did all the text book questions, and all the sheet questions~ then managed to mark them all aswell just before the lesson finished.

ICT: Boring lesson as always, i spent the whole time reading 'Welcome to the Underworld' quite good~ i remember seeing loads of signatures with something like 'I found Paris' and i always wanted to read this fic~ written really nicely, but the chapters are so long..didn't even manage to finish the first chapter during the lesson o__o...really intriguing though ^^

Lunch was okay, walked around a bit first cos i didn't know where my lot were, turns out Becky was in french and Claire was in english, and they both decided to not tell me haha. But then they came to the changing rooms, and we all just sat there with the others eating and talking~ then Claire, Pippa and Aly were talking about farmville for ages..omg. Alex was actually like 'OMG you're STILL talking about FAAAAARMVILLE?' hahaha.

Geography: An okay lesson, just typed up all of my sphere of influence analysis, and then did some of my shop surveys, just need to do the stratford one and the keys now~

Can't tell if i'm getting better or worse, kept coughing, but then i'd stop, but then i'd start coughing loads again ><..had a headache the whole day aswell..took some ibuprofen during maths, so then it went for a while, but then came back in geog ><..damn headache, i swear i could've just collapsed right there -____-...

Got on the early bus today~ got home around 4.40? had dinner, then asked my dad to make me some honey and lemon tea ^^~ drank it all quite quickly~ really helped..but then my throat just started being all gay again ><

Mum came home, and came into my room like 'I bought you some trousers!~ ^^' haha~ i wanted some pj trousers, since ive been wearing shorts the whole time, so my mum bought me 2 pairs ^^ quite nice ones too~ and then she kept coming into my room like 'i bought this today too! how does it look?' hahaha, she didn't actually buy anything hideous this time (: everything was pretty good.

Need to do RS after watching D.I.E only a bit of research, then im gonna go to sleep~

Labels: friends, school

Bad day. T___T...didn't exactly sleep well, but it was better than the night before when i couldn't even get to sleep. Slept at around 12 something..woke up at like 2am, then slept again and woke up at 6.50am because of my alarm, then slept again until 7.20am. Finally got out of bed and half-rushed getting ready.

Got downstairs and was eating breakfast, but just didn't really have appetite? so i only ate a bit then left it and went to the busstop. Bus was kind of packed already, went upstairs and sat behind Noelle, but then the sides were like..covered in water, so i had to sit a bit away from it so it didn't get on me, but then it did anyway -___-

When i got to bexleyheath, i started walking down to school, was slightly annoying because i was carrying my pe kit aswell >< got in, went to my locker..and my business folder was stuck, couldn't get it out so i got Joyce to get it out for me~ then went to the form room. Was early, so i just stood inside for a while until our form tutor came.

In form time i was just texting Tze and Vic, went over to Joyce's lot because they wanted me to teach Carianne chinese? haha, then i was screwing at Joyce because she didn't know what 殺人放火 meant hahaha. Throat was getting worse aswell..ended up getting soothers off Becky and Kamen~

Business: First lesson, so much writing omg T_T had to copy down loads of stuff, then do the table thingy, was just talking to Kamen about how people are getting ill now~ Me, Nick, Tze, Troy and Vic..all ill T_T..

English: Had to go to my locker before the lesson cos i left my Othello book there..got into class, did some work on clauses and colons, then read some of Othello, and watched a bit of the movie..was so tired..nearly fell aswell whilst reading..

Maths: Just did some questions and stuff from the text book in this lesson, not much really..boring lesson, room was stuffy aswell..blehs~

Fitness: Easy lesson, didn't really do much, was just using the big running machine thingy..then was on the exercise bikes, mainly just talking to Joyce about weekend and expo. Was okay, didn't really do much.

Then we had lunch, ended up sitting with Vanesha, Molly, Philippa etc. Went inside the dance changing rooms..just sat there, ate and talked~ was an alright lunch, was texting Tze and Vic through it too~

German: Omg..gay gay lesson. Mr Symes gave us these booklet thingys with loads of pages on stuff for our coursework and presentation. Looked through it as a class, just kinda flipped through the pages. Then he let us have the lesson going through it and looking at it properly..but i just kinda had it there..flipped the pages once in a while so it looked like i was doing something, but then i was like half asleep? was so tired T_T...then Mr Symes started going crazy, took Ofome and Molly out of the classroom, proper screwed at them, and made them go upstairs and just stay there, then when he came back into the class, he screwed at all of us for talking..then afterwards he started to shout at us saying about how we should just leave those 2 because they have bad reputation and stuff..was scary..everyone was like 'y-yes sir...' each time he was like 'DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?' o___o Aly and Vanesha were like 'omg that was so scary, i was actually shaking' hahaha.

Trampolining Fitness Challenge Tiring lesson. Thought it was going to be okay because it was trampolining..but then they changed it to the fitness challenge..so star jumps for a minute, step ups for a minute and shuttle runs for a minute. For the star jumps, Kamen was too busy laughing to even count mine, so then we just lied and said i got 83, then for the step ups i got 50..and 18 for the shuttle runs, relatively okay.

After school we went into the music room for a while because Joyce had to get her violin, then we were playing around on the piano, playing river flows in you, haru haru and then just messing around xD was there for quite a while..

Ended up getting a bus to bexleyheath because we were too tired to walk haha. Got there and was going to the bus stop, and i saw the 401 but didn't get it because it was going to be really packed, so me and Kamen walked around a bit, went to new look, claires, dorothy perkins, monsoon and peacocks. When we went back to the bus stop, i realised i missed the second 401 T_T was waiting for the third, but it didn't even come..so i didn't get on a bus until ten to 5 T_T...

When i was queuing to get on the bus this guy was behind me and like pushing himself against me!? i was thinking 'omg even if you push this line isn't even moving so you're not gonna get on any faster' and its like..i could feel his stomach against my back? -___- tried to kind of push him away, but he just stood there. pffffft. T_T...then these guys came from the side and completely pushed in. So annoying, since i had been waiting there for half an hour for a damn bus.

When i got on, went upstairs, was kind of packed but i sat next to this asian woman, thinking that i was all gonna be alright cos she wasn't big, and she didn't smell..but then she started talking to me -____-...was kind of like this;

'What year are you in?'
'Eleven'
'You're so small for year 11, i thought you were year 7' < OMG. T_____T.....
'Haha no..'
'What subjects did you take?'
'Erm, business, full ict, german and geography'
'Ahhh...'

'Are the police always down there?'
'Yeah..'
'Ah, are they still downstairs or did they get off'
'Oh, they got off'
'Ah. These police...'

'Why are you going home so late?'
'Erm, me and my friends were in school later, so i didn't get here until quite late..'

'Where do you live?'
'Erm, Thamesmead.'
'Ahh, my son is in year 7' < telling me this, why? -__-
'Ah..'

'What time do you normally sleep?' < WHATTHEFUCK?
'Erms, it's normally quite late now because i have to do coursework.'
'So 10?'
'Hmm no..'
'11?'
'Yeah, around 11 or 12..'
'Ahh, a lot of work, grammar school is hard, my son is in dartford grammar, and he's taking japanese, i think it's really hard but he says it okay'
'Ahh..yeah..'

Hm, i can't remember anything else she said, but yeah. it was weird..o__o...and then these people were screaming and shouting right next to me, and banging on the windows and stuff..then later, when that woman got off, someone else wanted to sit next to me, but it wasn't like a polite 'Can i sit there please?' or 'Could you move your bag please?' NOOOO. She was about to go and pick up my bag herself -___- i was thinking 'what are you doingggggg?' like, i would've easily moved my bag if she asked, but she was about to go and move it herself. PFFFT. I ended up moving it before she touched it though, but then her friend sat on her, was hoping that they would get off before me so i didn't have to go through that, but i ended up getting off before them -__-.

Got home, ate dinner lemon chicken<3 keke~ got my mum to wash the dishes so i could sleep..went to sleep after dinner..slept for 2 hours then my mum came in and woke me up by turning on my light and was like 'it's 8 o'clock' xD got up after a while, replied to texts..then went on pc..need to do my maths and geog after watching D.I.E~ blehs, quite a long blog~

Labels: friends, school, shopping

one –
Awkwardness. But it's getting better, don't talk much, but we never really did.

two –
Awkwardness to the max. Still, now, few to no conversations..and when there are..still awkward.

three –
Awkwardness exceeding the max even worse than two. Now, we don't even say a word to eachother.

four –
Awkwardness, but it's getting better a lot quicker, and i'm happy for that. Atleast we can still talk without it being too weird.

five –
No awkwardness, yet. And i really hope there won't be any. Keep your word, please.

I wont let things get awkward between us

one of the best things to hear in this kind of situation. :)

Labels: love, thoughts

Today i tried to wake up quite late..ended up just getting out of bed at 10 something? washed my hair and cut it a bit, then got ready~ talked to a few people on msn, left the house at 1 something..waited ages for a bus..and got to the station at 2pm [look at the time, i gotta go it's 2pm! :D]

Got my ticket and waited for a train, there werent any to charing cross though, so i just got a cannon street train..was texting Nick whilst i was on the train, he lied to me -___- said he wasnt gonna come out, and that he was watching matrix, when he was actually on the way to central pffft. Got to london bridge, changed platforms and had to wait ages for a train to charing cross, was so cold aswell ><

When i got to charing cross, i rang Jenny to see where she was~ then asked her if i should buy a scarf or not, and she said yes, so i went and bought it haha :D was going to buy it sooner or later anyway, and it was the last one left~ so lucky ^^ after i bought the scarf, i rang Kamen to see where she was, and she said that she was in mcdonalds, so i went over there and then i saw Nick in the queue, thought he wasnt coming out -___- then turned around and Crystal, Troy, Kamen, Yip, Amin and Max were there.

Then we all went to hk cafe to find Tze, Catrina, Melody and Tiffany~ got there, said hi and stuff..then went to traf xD there was another cwalk linkup o__o...was one just last week haha. Found Rex, said hi~ then Jenny came~ haven't seen her for so long ^^ stayed in traf for a bit..then went back to hk cafe..partly because the guys wanted to see a lenglui xD

Got out of hk cafe, but ended up standing outside it for a while because the guys were waiting for the lenglui to come downstairs hahah. Such gays :) went back to traf and sat on the steps..i got my speakers out and we were just singing and dancing around haha~ loads of other people turned up~ was constantly running around really..xD

Went to karaoke after~ was good ^^ a bit messed up at the beginning, but then it all got sorted out (: did a lot of running about, and the room we had was right at the top, so many stairs haha xD then people were downing all the drinks, then Crystal started feeling sick..so we went with her to get some mcdonalds. I ate some rice whilst i was there..and had three sips of whatever was in other peoples cups..and that was pretty much it. Didn't eat much at all =/

Curfew time was extended today..had to be home by 8.40..but then i missed the 7.50 train..got on the 8.10..was at abbey wood station by 8.46, and didn't actually get on a bus until 9.10 then got home at 9.15..35mins late haha..

Going out next week to see Vic~ then probably wont be out for a few weeks..bleh, this took me forever to blog..wasn't really focussing..missed out a lot of detail aswell xD''

Labels: friends, shopping