I can't sleep. It's fucking 5.30am and i haven't slept properly..tossing and turning the whole night, i have too much on my mind when theres nothing to be on my mind. I'm up waiting when theres nothing for me to wait for..almost nothing.

Why did i go and make it big? It should've stayed small then completely vanished..but everything you do, everything people say makes it grow even bigger, it's harder to let go now.
I need you, it's natural. I can't breathe without you. I can't see or feel you, but i know you're there, but when you go, i wont notice, then it hits me hard. I want to be selfish and take you for myself, but you're so spread out, further than i can reach.

I'm writing this on my phone right now..there's nothing else for me to do, head hurts, my body's tired but still wrecklessly moving..am i even tired? I can't tell anymore. I resulted to getting my ipod almost an hour ago to try and listen to music to put me to sleep, i chose the same song Words I Couldn't Say, it's been on repeat. I could hear my heartbeat, just me? Or was it really slowing down?

I'm still waiting, i want to talk to you but i don't dare to wake you up..it's sad really. I need to sleep, fucking hell zoe go to sleep! It's not like its hard, i'm not in some depressed shit state so why am i making it out as i am? Like the way i feel has changed this past year, i've always been the fucking same. Knock some sense into yourself woman! You say 'im okay i guess' on a regular basis, when people ask you what's wrong you say 'same stuff as always' there are no stuff, stop being such an idiot and making things seem like there's something wrong, there's always something wrong, there's never a change to it.

Oh look, it's 5.55am, in an hour i'll have to get up and get ready for school..great.

When everything you wanted is there right before you, how could you not take it? Of course you'll take it all for yourself, but what happens when it wont let you be the owner..you're back to the start constantly thinking about it until the next comes, but it's extremely rare. It hurts, when you can't have something you really want, and then watch another person get closer to getting it. I'm only human, there's nothing i can do about it.

Feel like crying myself to sleep..wiped a few tears earlier..no reason why i can't do it again. Not like i can wait for someone to wipe them for me.

What a pointless entry, i've contradicted myself several times? And completely went all out about nothing.And made myself sound like a retarded depressed woman when i'm absolutely fine.

I know, that you know. But thanks, nothing's awkward, i like it this way. Right now, 'I'm trying to forget you.. trying to forget you.. trying to erase you...'

It, my feelings.
Air, you.
Something and everything, you.
Me, you.
<3

Labels: love